This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

by Family Fun

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1.
03:12
2.
3.
02:38
4.
03:26
5.
6.
04:11
7.
8.
9.
04:45
10.

credits

released 16 October 2012

Recording: Paul Andreas
Mixing: Brian Bender The Motherbrain Studios
Mastering: Mark Richardson Prairie Cat Mastering

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about

Family Fun

Family Fun is equal parts punk rock n' roll and nothing. A refreshingly haphazard, multi-lensed beast drawing upon influences musical, historical, comical, and sexual. Hardcore threaded with the theatrical, punk rock peppered with proud pop insensibilities, draws fervently from a gorge of culture and history whether it be Born Against, Dinosaur Jr., Agnostic Front, ELO, Iggy Pop, or Joan Rivers. ... more

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Track Name: Scampi
a second mortgage on a house of cards
the price is good but the meat is still charred
polishing diamonds while coughing up tar
my hands the masses
your neck the czar

you gotta bring me back before you bring me home
i may get tired, but never of drinking alone
the wounds are frothing with pink remorse
today we are the fever
tomorrow we’re the course

drape my arms around you
and wear me across the room
stop crying when the tears start to lather
you, me, the wine
nothing else anti-matters

youre a ruby in the rough rider
youre a mensch if you do right by her
youre the gold in the corral
just by saying it boosts the men's morale

drape my arms arounds around you…

and i can be everywhere
and i can be everyone
and i can be your first in line
if i can be the last you love
Track Name: Genderless Warrior
you've enraged this heart
with your petty grievances
your lack of luster
rebuffed by confusing attraction
i’ll put your ass in traction
lady luck is on my side
and she approves this homicide

and i am genderless
and i am furious
and i will beat my beauty into you
i deconstruct ignorance
i pillage your thoughtlessness
i crush dynasties with these
calloused thighs

your taunts
your scorn
the phoenix reborn
hard kiss
justice
retribution from a moisturized fist
and if you make me rip a stocking
so help me god i'll take an eye
your eyepatch i'll customize
in the hospital room
where your mother cries

and i am genderless
and i am furious
and i will beat my beauty into you
i deconstruct ignorance
i pillage your thoughtlessness
i crush dynasties with these
calloused thighs

you try to cut me down with a hale of bullets
but i wear my heart on my sleeve
and my sleeve is amalgamated bulletproof
and i am covered in sleeves
my headress blooms from many horizons
like crystanthemums from detached retinas
a spoil of war i leave with you
for i am never without grace

there's no labels anymore
who's this, what for
we'll greet the dusk as we greet the dawn
we'll fuck each other blind on the backlawn
Track Name: C4
i’ve cast shadows
and i've cast doubt
won some giftbags and lost some bouts
maintained balance, maintained guilt
brought the blade up to the hilt

felt the grain with my cheek
thought a day but was a week
as i brushed along side it
lost my luck before i could hide it

let me let you see me see you light the fuse that burns right through you
let me see you hold that c4
let me hold you hold me hold you kiss the hands of those below you
let me see you light that c4
let me let you see me see you light the fuse that burns right through you
let me see you throw that c4

silence for the crickets
reststops for the wicked
breakfast for the desperate
flesh runs raw from the thickets

a little rest for the wicked
some relief for the thief
you can phrase your answer as a question
but for the love of god be brief

happenstance repudiation
cocktail hour invitations
glorified office donations
heart rate slowing, mind is racing

peace of mind and force of habit
i’m your threadcount, youre my fabric
built pyramids then pyramid schemes
not in my ancestors' wildest dreams

it’s the cascade and the spiral
it’s the crux and the viral
it’s the passion and the chase
it’s the voice put to a face

it’s the shoulders separating
which the crowd found fascinating
not so great at concentrating
but the best at second guessing
Track Name: 1001 Nacht
i walk into your lobby
like i’m unbuckling your belt
intimacy heightened with every step
left, right with innocence
feigning inconspicuous
ive been expelled before
beached along the shore

rise in your elevator
smile does so similar
and so i brush along your spine
im tasting the potential
every step so exponential
the shame is only mine
what else will they find?
those cameras not your eyes
the bride within the bride

the glass, it glimmers
the soul, it shimmers
i will be turned away again
formica, prized finish
and i know that i’ll win
i will return again
love is my revenge

can they bury me inside you?
in the floor boards? in the ceiling boards?
in a furnace down below
pay someone to place my husk then go

the girder’s been straddled
the patience’s been rattled
windows getting cleaned
grooming begets the sheen
security asks me to leave
but you choose not to see
blessed in your not judging me
and my humiliated glee

can they bury me inside you?
in the floor boards? in the ceiling boards?
in a furnace down below
pay someone to place my husk then go
the way the glass shines in concrete
morse code sewn within the street
Track Name: Mitigating Circumstances
i used to do eighty in the eighties
nearly thirty i can barely do twenty-nine
desperately trying to sustain this family salt mine
i used to be somebody's son
now i'm somebody's problem
didn't mean to scare the kids
i only tried to robbed them

throwing pennies in the fountain
rolling marbles up the mountain
can't face it, can't fight it, can't taste it unless you bite it
i thought i was viet-right
but i was viet-wrong
i haven't eaten for days but i'm still going strong

ten feet tall warts and all
no love lost in this port of call
world's got problems, lord knows i’ve got plenty
i'm in a tow truck being pulled by a bentley
gotta thank christ for the money he lent me
my mother's a saint for the package she sent me

throwing pennies in the fountain
rolling marbles up the mountain
can't face it, can't fight it, can't taste it unless you bite it
i thought i was viet-right
but i was viet-wrong
i haven't eaten for days but i'm still going strong

it's ninety-six in mexico
and jesus knows i can't let you go

left the building with a cautionary tale
evolution didn't work but it didn't fail
gave the poorly made beasts a quiet dignity
knowledge is a burden which is why it ain't free
axis and allies no matter how you spin it
didn't care for the taste but i loved the finish
Track Name: Bood
scrape that sugar off that cake, big brother
you know i love the way the the sweetness tastes, big brother
we traded reason for taste
and now i’ve gone away
i’m up above, you’re down below
the older ones, they could not now know

do you remember the park?
do you remember the birds?
i asked you how they flew
and of course you knew
"they have hollow bones,"
like a boy alone, like a boy like me

if i were you i’d kiss her too, big brother
if you were me you'd miss you too, big brother
i don’t recognize this place
it must be outer space
i’m up above, you’re down below
the older ones, they could not now know

her perfect skin
like porcelain
her sandy hair
like a princess fair
don't think of me
i'd only kill the mood
like the cake killed me
like the seagulls flew

i miss you
i miss you so much
it can’t be heaven if i still miss you
Track Name: Edgar Allan Apropo
prefab, name a target
i got time for days
i think outside thirteen boxes
i do what pays

dopesick, sputnik
we beat the spread
we beat the beatniks
i thought i told you
that i liked my knots landing
how come you’re always sitting
when you say you’re understanding?

i’m lost, i got the map out
i’m choked, i gotta tap out
slashed tires, slash throat
i bought the castle
so i breaststroke in the moat

shooting speed on the speedway gives new meaning to the "highway"
my way or the highway, i prefer pulaski skyways
“my way or the highway”? is that your ultimatum?
making them is half the fun, which is why i like to make em
i thought i told you that i liked my fences picket
i think ahead so i buy two one-way tickets
and my mother makes the very best brisket
i always take two servings because i just dont wanna risk it

teeth are chipped like my mouth is playing poker
stocks have tanked, someone call the broker
must be drinking if i swear i see two decimals
must be drinking if i swear i see two decibels
never had a goldfish last me more than a week
lying comes so naturally all i do is speak
i thought i told u that i liked my knots landing
how come you’re always sitting when you say you’re understanding?

you watched me let it go
you got a front row ticket to a sold out show
you watched me let it go
you got a front row ticket to a sold out show
im edgar allen apropo
you watched me let it go...
Track Name: Varsity Straitjacket
the demons don't live inside of me
they've got a lovely prewar co-op down the street
the board must be other demons apparently
their references must be other demons

i remember when the leather cracked
i remember when they shot lincoln
who taught the idiots the word "respect"?
whose idea to get em thinking?

i don't play bridge
but the ghouls really hold their own
i see them at the playground sometimes
making fun of my kids
for the way they look and dress
and then they smoke cigarettes

i remember when the leather cracked
i remember when they shot lincoln
who taught the idiots the word "respect"?
whose idea to get em thinking?
came from tomfoolery
led to tomdrunkery
which made men of you me
we operated the heaviest machinery

you say the market's fucked
but who gives a fuck about the market?
we laid down all the gas
and all you did was spark it
you're batting from leftfield
the iron age and a four course meal

i remember when the leather cracked...

hold our breath til we all fall down

you were too kind
you never asked much
coddled and spared
had a soft touch
good men don't speak up
and the worst need constant attention

hold our breath til we all fall down
Track Name: Sweet Ricky
when my shades are left open the cold creeps in
when i dye the wool at night the sheep seep in
distrust for the pantry and your fingerless gloves
a meet and greet with the lost above

precariously perched, slowed to a crawl
the end of a velvet rope, where's the wherewithal?
en vogue & been around the block
get up at 5am and punch the clock

take it back
and pay it fashion-forward
you add the interest
to what you owe her
you pull the shades down
you get the expectations up
don't leave those fast food values in the pickup/Ricky's truck

rough trade in puns and absolutes
secondhand funny cars and champagne flutes
i grew stronger within the bricks
and smiled wider when i got sick
we cut profits when we cut costs
and added value to the trash we tossed

take it back…

relentless
ambitious
contentious
auspicious
the day is gone...
but the lights are on

the dj samples original sin
dogs bark at the ark & the bigger beast within
got confused from the turpentine
so just park the car and pay the fine
we’ll play together then we’ll play the fool
paddles on friday, saturday’s for shul

take it back…
Track Name: Family Fun Theme
helping old ladies across the street
whether they want to or not
we sweep them off their feet

we bring the good times
we bring the fun
humble like pluto
useful like the sun
we love to fuck
we love to fight
we will do your dishes
in the middle of the night
we love to cook and
we love to clean
we will write your boss a letter
if you say (s)he’s mean

we can just stay in
puzzle and heroin
pour some more chablis
there’s been a terrible accident
we’ll alert your family

charm like sour balls
crafty like fool’s gold
never shot a hostage
always kept the beer cold
slick like a chore boy
unlucky for the brand
beating all the vermin
to the garbage can
fuck

we bring the good times