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This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

by Family Fun

supported by
Brian O'Neill
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Raymond
Raymond thumbnail
David Letang
David Letang thumbnail
SloppyDetective
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1.
Scampi 03:12
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a second mortgage on a house of cards the price is good but the meat is still charred polishing diamonds while coughing up tar my hands the masses your neck the czar you gotta bring me back before you bring me home i may get tired, but never of drinking alone the wounds are frothing with pink remorse today we are the fever tomorrow we’re the course drape my arms around you and wear me across the room stop crying when the tears start to lather you, me, the wine nothing else anti-matters youre a ruby in the rough rider youre a mensch if you do right by her youre the gold in the corral just by saying it boosts the men's morale drape my arms arounds around you… and i can be everywhere and i can be everyone and i can be your first in line if i can be the last you love
2.
Genderless Warrior 03:43
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you've enraged this heart with your petty grievances your lack of luster rebuffed by confusing attraction i’ll put your ass in traction lady luck is on my side and she approves this homicide and i am genderless and i am furious and i will beat my beauty into you i deconstruct ignorance i pillage your thoughtlessness i crush dynasties with these calloused thighs your taunts your scorn the phoenix reborn hard kiss justice retribution from a moisturized fist and if you make me rip a stocking so help me god i'll take an eye your eyepatch i'll customize in the hospital room where your mother cries and i am genderless and i am furious and i will beat my beauty into you i deconstruct ignorance i pillage your thoughtlessness i crush dynasties with these calloused thighs you try to cut me down with a hale of bullets but i wear my heart on my sleeve and my sleeve is amalgamated bulletproof and i am covered in sleeves my headress blooms from many horizons like crystanthemums from detached retinas a spoil of war i leave with you for i am never without grace there's no labels anymore who's this, what for we'll greet the dusk as we greet the dawn we'll fuck each other blind on the backlawn
3.
C4 02:38
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i’ve cast shadows and i've cast doubt won some giftbags and lost some bouts maintained balance, maintained guilt brought the blade up to the hilt felt the grain with my cheek thought a day but was a week as i brushed along side it lost my luck before i could hide it let me let you see me see you light the fuse that burns right through you let me see you hold that c4 let me hold you hold me hold you kiss the hands of those below you let me see you light that c4 let me let you see me see you light the fuse that burns right through you let me see you throw that c4 silence for the crickets reststops for the wicked breakfast for the desperate flesh runs raw from the thickets a little rest for the wicked some relief for the thief you can phrase your answer as a question but for the love of god be brief happenstance repudiation cocktail hour invitations glorified office donations heart rate slowing, mind is racing peace of mind and force of habit i’m your threadcount, youre my fabric built pyramids then pyramid schemes not in my ancestors' wildest dreams it’s the cascade and the spiral it’s the crux and the viral it’s the passion and the chase it’s the voice put to a face it’s the shoulders separating which the crowd found fascinating not so great at concentrating but the best at second guessing
4.
1001 Nacht 03:26
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i walk into your lobby like i’m unbuckling your belt intimacy heightened with every step left, right with innocence feigning inconspicuous ive been expelled before beached along the shore rise in your elevator smile does so similar and so i brush along your spine im tasting the potential every step so exponential the shame is only mine what else will they find? those cameras not your eyes the bride within the bride the glass, it glimmers the soul, it shimmers i will be turned away again formica, prized finish and i know that i’ll win i will return again love is my revenge can they bury me inside you? in the floor boards? in the ceiling boards? in a furnace down below pay someone to place my husk then go the girder’s been straddled the patience’s been rattled windows getting cleaned grooming begets the sheen security asks me to leave but you choose not to see blessed in your not judging me and my humiliated glee can they bury me inside you? in the floor boards? in the ceiling boards? in a furnace down below pay someone to place my husk then go the way the glass shines in concrete morse code sewn within the street
5.
Mitigating Circumstances 03:36
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i used to do eighty in the eighties nearly thirty i can barely do twenty-nine desperately trying to sustain this family salt mine i used to be somebody's son now i'm somebody's problem didn't mean to scare the kids i only tried to robbed them throwing pennies in the fountain rolling marbles up the mountain can't face it, can't fight it, can't taste it unless you bite it i thought i was viet-right but i was viet-wrong i haven't eaten for days but i'm still going strong ten feet tall warts and all no love lost in this port of call world's got problems, lord knows i’ve got plenty i'm in a tow truck being pulled by a bentley gotta thank christ for the money he lent me my mother's a saint for the package she sent me throwing pennies in the fountain rolling marbles up the mountain can't face it, can't fight it, can't taste it unless you bite it i thought i was viet-right but i was viet-wrong i haven't eaten for days but i'm still going strong it's ninety-six in mexico and jesus knows i can't let you go left the building with a cautionary tale evolution didn't work but it didn't fail gave the poorly made beasts a quiet dignity knowledge is a burden which is why it ain't free axis and allies no matter how you spin it didn't care for the taste but i loved the finish
6.
Bood 04:11
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scrape that sugar off that cake, big brother you know i love the way the the sweetness tastes, big brother we traded reason for taste and now i’ve gone away i’m up above, you’re down below the older ones, they could not now know do you remember the park? do you remember the birds? i asked you how they flew and of course you knew "they have hollow bones," like a boy alone, like a boy like me if i were you i’d kiss her too, big brother if you were me you'd miss you too, big brother i don’t recognize this place it must be outer space i’m up above, you’re down below the older ones, they could not now know her perfect skin like porcelain her sandy hair like a princess fair don't think of me i'd only kill the mood like the cake killed me like the seagulls flew i miss you i miss you so much it can’t be heaven if i still miss you
7.
Edgar Allan Apropo 02:42
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prefab, name a target i got time for days i think outside thirteen boxes i do what pays dopesick, sputnik we beat the spread we beat the beatniks i thought i told you that i liked my knots landing how come you’re always sitting when you say you’re understanding? i’m lost, i got the map out i’m choked, i gotta tap out slashed tires, slash throat i bought the castle so i breaststroke in the moat shooting speed on the speedway gives new meaning to the "highway" my way or the highway, i prefer pulaski skyways “my way or the highway”? is that your ultimatum? making them is half the fun, which is why i like to make em i thought i told you that i liked my fences picket i think ahead so i buy two one-way tickets and my mother makes the very best brisket i always take two servings because i just dont wanna risk it teeth are chipped like my mouth is playing poker stocks have tanked, someone call the broker must be drinking if i swear i see two decimals must be drinking if i swear i see two decibels never had a goldfish last me more than a week lying comes so naturally all i do is speak i thought i told u that i liked my knots landing how come you’re always sitting when you say you’re understanding? you watched me let it go you got a front row ticket to a sold out show you watched me let it go you got a front row ticket to a sold out show im edgar allen apropo you watched me let it go...
8.
Varsity Straitjacket 03:07
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the demons don't live inside of me they've got a lovely prewar co-op down the street the board must be other demons apparently their references must be other demons i remember when the leather cracked i remember when they shot lincoln who taught the idiots the word "respect"? whose idea to get em thinking? i don't play bridge but the ghouls really hold their own i see them at the playground sometimes making fun of my kids for the way they look and dress and then they smoke cigarettes i remember when the leather cracked i remember when they shot lincoln who taught the idiots the word "respect"? whose idea to get em thinking? came from tomfoolery led to tomdrunkery which made men of you me we operated the heaviest machinery you say the market's fucked but who gives a fuck about the market? we laid down all the gas and all you did was spark it you're batting from leftfield the iron age and a four course meal i remember when the leather cracked... hold our breath til we all fall down you were too kind you never asked much coddled and spared had a soft touch good men don't speak up and the worst need constant attention hold our breath til we all fall down
9.
Sweet Ricky 04:45
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when my shades are left open the cold creeps in when i dye the wool at night the sheep seep in distrust for the pantry and your fingerless gloves a meet and greet with the lost above precariously perched, slowed to a crawl the end of a velvet rope, where's the wherewithal? en vogue & been around the block get up at 5am and punch the clock take it back and pay it fashion-forward you add the interest to what you owe her you pull the shades down you get the expectations up don't leave those fast food values in the pickup/Ricky's truck rough trade in puns and absolutes secondhand funny cars and champagne flutes i grew stronger within the bricks and smiled wider when i got sick we cut profits when we cut costs and added value to the trash we tossed take it back… relentless ambitious contentious auspicious the day is gone... but the lights are on the dj samples original sin dogs bark at the ark & the bigger beast within got confused from the turpentine so just park the car and pay the fine we’ll play together then we’ll play the fool paddles on friday, saturday’s for shul take it back…
10.
Family Fun Theme 02:19
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helping old ladies across the street whether they want to or not we sweep them off their feet we bring the good times we bring the fun humble like pluto useful like the sun we love to fuck we love to fight we will do your dishes in the middle of the night we love to cook and we love to clean we will write your boss a letter if you say (s)he’s mean we can just stay in puzzle and heroin pour some more chablis there’s been a terrible accident we’ll alert your family charm like sour balls crafty like fool’s gold never shot a hostage always kept the beer cold slick like a chore boy unlucky for the brand beating all the vermin to the garbage can fuck we bring the good times

credits

released October 16, 2012

Recording: Paul Andreas
Mixing: Brian Bender The Motherbrain Studios
Mastering: Mark Richardson Prairie Cat Mastering

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Family Fun

Family Fun is equal parts punk rock n' roll and nothing. A refreshingly haphazard, multi-lensed beast drawing upon influences musical, historical, comical, and sexual. Hardcore threaded with the theatrical, punk rock peppered with proud pop insensibilities, draws fervently from a gorge of culture and history whether it be Born Against, Dinosaur Jr., Agnostic Front, ELO, Iggy Pop, or Joan Rivers. ... more

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